Drinking really healthy bottled tea and getting back on the healthy-diet wagon, listening to Sara Bareilles, Ellie Goulding, Colbie Caillat, and Gregory and the Hawk. The weather is warm, the nights are quiet. I wish I had a really awesome girlfriend (this has been my wish since my heart was completely leveled in 2004), but other than that, life is good. Saw a prom pic of a cool dude I know decently well and his lady friend and it made me smile big.
For fans of The Smiths. This is my first cover video for YouTube. I think I did a pretty decent job… took about 3 hours to shoot and record… more to edit. Please share if you dig.
I just walked/jogged a bit around my neighborhood for the first time, exploring. 45 minutes total I think.
I would love to live on a quiet street by myself in any of those houses. I long for that shit, man. Just sitting in a house, making music. If I won the lottery, that would be one of my first purchases… a house with cash. Move right in, quit my job (and rest my voice for a solid six months), practice my ass off, get so much better at every instrument I play, while writing songs, non-stop. Just writing writing writing and recording. Putting videos on YouTube. Living peacefully, as I’ve always wanted.
Five songs that shuffled during my exercise, that deserve attention:
Michelle Branch “It’s You”
The Cure “Want”
The Hush Sound “Six” (instrumental)
Umbrellas “Your Exit”
and then immediately following that wonderful song… this masterpiece, which finished my walk:
Trespassers William “Different Stars” (Live at Sonikwire)
I seriously fucking hate when people don’t realize perfect, gorgeous music when they hear it. It makes my soul shake its head in disgust…. and it makes my heart curl up into the fetal position.
Crowded House “Don’t Dream It’s Over”, “Better Be Home Soon”, “Something So Strong”
Lisa Loeb “Stay”
The Sundays “Goodbye”, “Here’s Where The Story Ends”, “I Kicked A Boy”…
Velocity Girl “Same Old City”
Emiliana Torrini “Sunny Road”
Simon and Garfunkel “Dangling Conversation”
Civil Wars “Poison And Wine”
Green Day “Christie Road”
Goo Goo Dolls “Naked”, “Name”, “Iris”, “Black Balloon”
Replacements “Skyway”
Juliana Hatfield “When You Loved Me”
Sarah McLachlan “Elsewhere”
As of tonight, Ryan and I have written the music and basic arrangements for six songs. Next comes writing lead parts, basslines, and of course, vocals. The music we’re writing can best be described as good 90s melodic punk/indie rock. Think of a mix between older Jimmy Eat World, Mineral, and the Lemonheads. Not a bad mix if you ask me.
I can’t wait until I show Ryan the movie Waking Life. I can’t believe it’s been eleven years since I saw that film in the theater, opening night, with my former friend Joel… we were the only ones in the entire theater, and got our minds blown.
Back to music.
I’ve been steadily getting something done, musically, all week. If I can keep up this work ethic, I should be able to finish two songs per week. It’s funny how much shit you get done when you just sit the fuck down and do it, even if you’re tired.
Before, I was listening to a piano song I wrote in late 2010. It’s fucking great, and my falsetto was just soaring that night. I wrote some great melodies for it. But that was before I lost my falsetto and head voice (from the Feb. ‘11 flu). 15 months and I still can’t sing high. But wait.
After listening to this song idea, I tried singing like 5% of it. I couldn’t. So I cried. And became desperate again. I was googling, googling, googling…. I’ll come back to this in a second.
In March 2011, I saw the ENT and she said I had some acid reflux and that I should go on Prilosec and Zantac. Ok. So I did, even though I never really ate spicy foods or ate right before bed, or had any of the other symptoms (no heartburn, no burping, etc). I was on the medicine for a month and saw little improvement (though I did see some improvement).
Last summer, I walked and jogged a lot and my voice came back strongly in October. Then I lost it again when I got sick again.
So my voice has been shit since… VERY little falsetto if at all (and I couldn’t even sing more than “ooohs” in falsetto…. I could not say words in falsetto, only the “oooh” syllable.)
So… back to googling.
I looked up reflux and falsetto to see if I could find ANY answers AT FUCKING ALL… and I might have stumbled upon some great information.
I saw a forum where singers (male— several were professional singers and others were very good ones, according to clips I heard from their site links in their signatures) were talking about how they lost their falsettos and head voices because of reflux, but GOT THEM BACK…. by doing the following:
1. Propping the head of their beds up by about 5 inches using those bed risers.
2. Ingesting DGL licorice (chewable or in pill form)
3. Not even taking Zantac OR Prilosec (because the DGL Licorice works wonders)
and 4. (this makes perfect sense)…. sleeping on your LEFT side, instead of your RIGHT.
I sleep on my right side ALL the time. Intentionally. Though I don’t have to. I can sleep on my left as I’ve done it a few times just for the hell of it.
The thing with sleeping on your LEFT side instead means that the esophagus cannot produce reflux because of the way your body is designed. On the right side, the esophagus can run wild and fuck you up while you sleep. ESPECIALLY if your bed is not propped up.
I honestly have a feeling this shit will fucking WORK… FINALLY, because it’s logical. My ENT mentioned nothing of this. Vocal teachers I know do not have reflux so they don’t know what to do or suggest. “Do warmups” they all say. Sure. Well, I can’t because I can’t REACH THAT RANGE even REMOTELY… I USED TO BE ABLE TO. And honestly, after this research, I think I will be able to again (and finally finish the hundreds of songs I started, ALL WITH HIGH/BREATHY VOCALS… which I haven’t been able to do SHIT with since 15 months ago….)
—-
So what I did was I rearranged my bedroom upstairs (my studio room is on the 1st floor). I moved the bed completely so when I lay on my side I can fall asleep to the TV/movies… and I propped it up with some surround sound speakers that are totally solid wood. I don’t use them because I have a newer system. So yeah… it’s awkward sleeping at an angle, but I am FUCKING DESPERATE.
The thing is… if I can’t sing, I honestly see no point to ANYTHING. I realize that sounds a bit psychotic, but put yourself in my shoes: I haven’t had a steady girlfriend for nearly 8 years…. no women give me the time of day, and the only females I meet in my line of work are ages 10 to 16, mostly my students. Of course, being as I’m in my thirties, it’s pretty obvious that my line of work is NOT the place to meet girls (so I resort to online dating, which fucking goes NOWHERE)…. anyway……… so… singing HEALS ME.
Singing songs I love (especially by girls, such as my online friend Anna-Lynne Williams (formerly of Trespassers William, currently in Ormonde and recording solo as Lotte Kestner)…. her, and Jenny Owen Youngs, Azure Ray/Maria Taylor, Velocity Girl… Angus and Julia Stone, the Civil Wars, Juliana Hatfield…. all the shit I USED to be able to sing… and I’m sure will be able to again, after these lifestyle changes…. anyway, singing these songs by all the female singers I love just fuckin’ HEALS ME.
Singing high stuff is one simple joy I get from life, after a horrible, shitty, lonely life full of heartbreak, record deals that almost happened but fell through (at least 5 separate times… twice with my old trip-hop group BEAUTY’S CONFUSION)… book deals that fell through… girlfriends who dumped me, and dumped me, and dumped me…… AND…. dumped me for someone hotter with darker hair and darker eyebrows… all that SHITTY SHIT… which I don’t bitch about, because really, no one gives a shit…. anyway… all that shit…. just vanishes, when I can sing pretty songs I love, in a range I love to sing in.
So…
With all that said…. I have a feeling this shit will finally fucking WORK.
Please God, please spirit guides, please ANYONE who likes my singing voice, including many, many girls I know (a few who may be reading this)…. please, have or make all of these things become the solution to my lost head voice/falsetto. I need this. I REALLY NEED THIS.
Thank you for reading and listening to my music. I love you. Goodnight.
